By Jahneil La Mara
We’ve all heard them, time and time again. It’s no secret that the bisexual community is plagued with stereotypes and basic generalizations that constantly erase the real experiences of bisexual women. Well, it’s time to move on to bigger and better, leaving all of the ridiculous myths in yesteryear. Here are five myths about bi women that we’re saying deuces to!
1. Bisexuals want to date and/or have sex with both men and women at the same time.
There’s nothing wrong with having the desire and capacity to date more than one person at a time. Polyamory is a thing. Being bisexual and being polyamorous aren’t exclusive; they can go together but they don’t have to. Bisexual describes a person’s sexual orientation and poly is more of a practice or a way of romantic expression.
Imagine being able to develop and maintain a relationship with a man, but also capable and interested in doing the same with a woman — just not necessarily at the same time.
Lesbians don’t want every lady that comes their way and bisexual women aren’t trying to get with every human in the room.
Just like everyone else, bisexual women have preferences and specific things that attract them to people.
Also, enough with slut shaming bisexual women; being bisexual isn’t about having wild threesomes (although those can be fun if that’s your thing).
2. Bisexual women are going through a phase and should pick one already to eliminate the confusion.
While some bisexual women transition to lady loving after only dating men for years, who’s to say because of that she’s going through a phase? A bisexual woman can date a woman for 10 years and still not be a lesbian because at no point did that eliminate her interest in men. She’s just not involved with one at the moment.
So stop wasting your time trying to figure out when a bisexual woman is going to “just pick one” because she’s not. She openly and honestly likes what she likes and that doesn’t mean she needs to pick sides because it makes someone else uncomfortable. Talk about being unbothered.
3. Bisexual women are greedy/selfish.
Can you honestly say you’ve never liked two types of things?
Fruit smoothies are my weakness. Strawberry-banana and mango-pineapple are definitely my two favorites. I enjoy both flavors of smoothies and sometimes I’ll order strawberry-banana every day for a month straight, not even giving mango-pineapple the time of day.
But once I get my hands on that mango-pineapple goodness, I am content. I like both flavors and I don’t want to choose because I like having the option of both. Some of you may like strawberry-banana and others like mango-pineapple but I’m pretty sure there’s someone in the group that will happily drink either. Cheers!
Attraction, sexuality and sexual orientation aren’t black and white. Bisexual women are standing in their truth daily regardless of what you think. Don’t put bisexuals in a box because the people they’re involved with have nothing to do with you.
4. Being bisexual means liking both men and women equally.
Yes, some women do like both men and women equally but there isn’t a special mathematical formula when it comes to love and attraction. Sexuality can be very fluid and the Kinsey Scale teaches us all that there’s levels to this and you can stay somewhere in the middle if you like or lean more towards one side.
Sometimes these things just can’t be divided equally and every bisexual woman has the right to determine what that means for her. So if you can’t get with that…
A bisexual woman may prefer men but still attracted to women physically and emotionally or vice versa.
5. Lesbians are bisexuals first.
Yes, some people identify as bisexual and later come out as lesbian but you can’t make a generalization because bisexuality comes in different shapes and forms. All bisexual women need to be celebrated, no matter their past or future.
Some lesbians lived “straight” lives before discovering that they were actually attracted to women and coming out; they may never date another man again.
If a bisexual woman is no longer interested in dating men then that’s completely her business and no one else’s. As we all grow in our personal journeys as people, sometimes that means our sexual orientation changes with us.
It doesn’t matter if it’s with a woman, man or a gender non-binary person. At the end of the day, what matters most is the cultivation of healthy meaningful relationships with people. Get it? Got it? Good.
What are some myths about bisexual women that you’d like to put to rest?
Jahneil La Mara is a Southern California native and graduate of Florida’s Bethune-Cookman University where she received her B.A. in Mass Communications and served as editor-in-chief of the school paper. She has always been intrigued by the personal style of others and loves food, natural hair, traveling and Instagram. La Mara enjoys reading all things queer, fiction and non-fiction, and writes about her personal experiences being a young fashionable queer woman of color on her blog, LaLaLaMara.com. Keep up with her madness on Twitter and Instagram .