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Hi Doula Kayla,

My girlfriend loves my breasts! I love that she loves my body and is a breast woman, and the idea and sight of her giving them attention during intimacy is amazing — but I feel like I am lacking sensitivity! I hear women and friends speak about how amazing it feels to have their partners love on their breasts during intimacy and just how aware they are of arousal because of their breasts and nipples in general. Why am I not experiencing the same thing and how can I start?



Doula Kayla

Doula Kayla


Okay, so honestly, I get this type of question and have this type of conversation all the time. Lack of breast stimulation and sensitivity is so common but no worries I have a few tips and a bit of info that could possibly help you enjoy it just as much as your partner.

Our breasts are our antennas! There are directly connected to our heart chakra, sexual drive, and lymph nodes. Making sure that we take care of our breasts, both as feminine and masculine presenting women, can ensure that we are tapping into their powers and healing properties. There are a few ways that you can get your stimulation and connection back with your breasts and you and your partner can even do this together:

Massage. Breast massages are one of the most necessary things that a lot of women with breasts don’t realize is a key component in having healthy breasts. Regular massages on your own or with the help of your partner will help activate the tissues and exercise the muscles needed to keep healthy, glowing, and attentive breasts.

Sunlight. Have you tried sunbathing? Allowing vitamin D (that’s sunlight) to basically exfoliate and and charge your breasts helps with sensitivity and connection and air baths (basically being naked) is one of the most amazing things you can do for your lymph nodes/glands and body. It allows it to play with the memory of being in its most natural state — completely free.

Detoxing. Allowing your lymph nodes (the ones under your arms) to detox from fragrances and deodorants is an instant way to see changes in the way your breast look, feel, and react. We are often damaging our breasts because of this. Try an organic deodorant as a substitute.

Connect. All healing and connecting (especially sexually) are always about how you are mentally and spiritually connecting to your body. While massaging your breasts, think thoughts of positivity, arousal, appreciation, and connection. Allow them to rise at attention when the wind blows the right way and drop down when they just need a rest. Every tissue responds to vibration and energy — don’t think so much about something being wrong with you!

Your body loves you so much and enjoys your partner loving it so much that it had to communicate to you in a way that would get your attention. Now you know what she is thinking and how bad she wants it, too. If you can, get your partner involved in this journey and add it to your plethora of foreplay and a much, much deeper way to reach ecstasy with one another. Try it out for a couple weeks, feel how poppin’ your breasts are, and then give me a call.

Enjoy xx.

Kayla Bitten is a queer femme, feminist birth and postpartum doula and herbalist. She specializes in fertility, pregnancy, womb and yoni health, and trauma. She is the owner of The Modern Doula blog and services. Kayla works in emergency medicine and beauty wellness.

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