InspiHERed By spotlights phenomenal women in the Black queer community—everyone from artists to activists. Each week ELIXHER features someone whose personal journey and individual craft inspire us. In honor of Valentine’s Day, we spotlight love. Whether they’re happily single, looking for love or found it, queer women from across the country dish on romance, relationships and sex.

Age: 26 & 25
Location: Jersey City, NJ

ELIXHER: How long have you been together?
ELIZABETH: Two years and going strong.

ELIXHER: How did you meet?
ELIZABETH: My best friend took me to Shae’s birthday party because I had been in a bit of a funk and when I entered the party I saw her and knew I wanted her.
SHAE: I hadn’t seen her around before, which was refreshing, and she was beautiful.

ELIXHER: How do you keep the romance alive?
SHAE: By going to fancy dinners, getting tattoos together, going to concerts, and making memories.
ELIZABETH: We encourage each other’s growth and have a date night once a week.

Age: 46
Location: Chicago, IL

ELIXHER: How would you describe your relationship status?
ADRIENNE: Happily single and looking. [Laughs.]

ELIXHER: What’s the first thing you notice about a woman?
ADRIENNE: I have very diverse taste, so for me it’s all about the chemistry. Intelligence is so sexy; then a great smile, soulful eyes, and long legs would be nice. But the mind for me is the most important part.

Age: 32 & 29
Location: Durham, NC

ELIXHER: How long have you been together?
JULIA: Three and a half years.

ELIXHER: How did you two meet?
ALEXIS: We first met at a Queerky Black Girls cookout in Piedmont Park during Atlanta’s Black Gay Pride. We first exchanged numbers at a house party fundraiser for the prison abolitionist organization Critical Resistance. On our first date I made Julia put the Allied Media Conference date in her phone calendar. Long story short? Our relationship is an example of a queer black progressive love-fueled movement gone right.

ELIXHER: What’s the most romantic thing your partner has done for you?
ALEXIS: Julia has done so many sweet and romantic things for me. One that stands out is when on her own birthday, she surprised me, with a dream of mine come true: a queer black boi band performance with our friends of her own remixed song “Birthday Best” complete with choreography, matching outfits and rose petals. It was the best thing ever. I am a Julia groupie for life!
JULIA: After my 30th birthday when I created my first community-based film screening of my body of filmic work thus far she whisked me away to the beach at Oak Island, NC where we stayed in a love-themed bungalow and blessed the auspicious beginning of my 30s.


Age: 24
Location: New York City

ELIXHER: What’s your current relationship status?
IVORY: Single and ready to fall madly in like.

ELIXHER: What’s your favorite part of being single?
IVORY: There’s a certain excitement and spontaneity that comes with the single life. You got to be on your toes for any opportunity that comes your way. I can meet someone new with a different personality and different story at any given time, and that makes for great experiences.

I’m very particular so I need there to be a certain spark between us and everyone doesn’t create that spark. But I’m definitely enjoying the ride.

Age: 25 & 26
Location: Downtown Los Angeles

ELIXHER: How long have you two been together?
SAJDAH: Over one year.

ELIXHER: How did you two meet?
CHANEL: Sajdah and I were both in a place where we felt ready for love, the right type of love. I had posted a profile on where Sajdah had been referred to by a lesbian friend of hers. From my profile she discovered I was hosting an event with my poetry group Rooted Minds. We chatted a few times through Facebook. We made an immediate connection once we realized we were both born on January 30th. A week later we met in person for the first time. That’s when I was informed she was being filmed for a reality show called The Real L Word. [Laughs.] Parts of relationship can be viewed on television, but most of our more memorable and growing experiences have been off camera and that’s why we’re still together. Stronger and wiser than where we started.

ELIXHER: If you had to choose one song that would be the soundtrack to your relationship, what would it be?
CHANEL: We really do have a special playlist for our relationship, but one song that sums up our chemistry together is “Sure Thing” by Miguel.
SAJDAH: Beyonce’s “Love on Top.”

Age: 21 & 22
Location: Kalamazoo, Mich.

ELIXHER: How long have you been a couple?
DESTINI: It’s been two and a half years.

ELIXHER: How did you ladies meet?
CAMILLE: We met at a Pride parade in Ferndale, Michigan.

ELIXHER: What’s your favorite thing about your partner?
CAMILLE: Her sense of humor. Destini can turn any negative into a positive with a quick joke and her smile.
DESTINI: My favorite thing about Camille is her smile, because when I’m stressed about work, school or family, once I see her smile my day becomes the best day all over again. I remember to appreciate God’s many blessings, starting with her.

Age: 44 & 43
Freeport, New York & Houston, Texas

ELIXHER: How long have you been together?
NESSETTE: Two years.

ELIXHER: How did you meet?
NESSETTE: At Fire and Ink in Austin.

ELIXHER: What’s your favorite thing (or least favorite, depending on how you look at it) to fight about and your favorite way to make up?
KIM-MONIQUE: Our communication challenges. When we are challenged to understand each other in either mode—text, email, phone, or even in person. The best way to make up is anything that makes my sweetheart laugh ’til sweet tears stream down her lovely cheeks while saying, “Oh my goodness.”

NESSETTE: Deciding when to spend time together is often a challenge because we are a long distance relationship and have very busy lives. It’s the least favorite issue to argue about (or be in conflict with). My favorite way of making up is to jump online to iChat (or video cam), take deep breaths when we see each other, and exchange smiles. Our “felt connection” always makes me feel like we can make “us” work, even through the long distance challenges and longing.

Age: 24
Location: Washington, DC

ELIXHER: How would you describe your current relationship status?
ALPHIE: Single and letting Jesus take the wheel.

ELIXHER: What’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever done for yourself?
ALPHIE: When I think of the answer for this question I imagine I’m supposed to say something like “I bought myself some silky underwear, massaged milk chocolate all over my knee cap, and then licked it off really slowly while listening to Barry White” or something. That sounds so totally sexy, right?

But the real life sexiest thing I’ve ever done for myself is probably just good old fashioned masturbation. There’s nothing too incredibly fancy or elaborate about it, and any more in-depth detail disclosure could make this post a little awkward… if it isn’t already. [Laughs.]

Age: 25 & 27
Location: New York City

ELIXHER: How long have you been together?
CHARLA: A little over a year and a half.

ELIXHER: How did you two meet?
KIMBERLEY: We met on OkCupid. I was frustrated with the kind of women I kept meeting, so a friend suggested I try the site. I came across Charla’s profile, sent her a message and she took a week to respond! [Laughs.] When we finally connected, we were instantly drawn to each other. That same week, we met for drinks and my heart fluttered the moment I saw her beautiful smile.
CHARLA: It was a way to meet women that I had more things in common with that wasn’t a bar or club. After I met Kim, I felt an instant connection and I haven’t looked back since. It took me a week to respond but now she’s stuck with me for life.

ELIXHER: What’s the biggest lesson your partner has taught you?
CHARLA: I have a couple of lessons, but I’d say the biggest lesson is that I’m worthy of unconditional love. Kim listens to me and doesn’t judge me. She’s always rooting for me. She’s my safe place. I never have to question it. Kim comes by my place, stays the night and cuddles with me even when my place is a mess, the dishes aren’t done and there’s no food in the fridge. That’s unconditional love. There’s a million and one things I could add.
KIMBERLEY: I learn something from Charla each day. She has taught me everything from how to flawlessly crack an egg open to how to laugh at myself. But I think the most invaluable lesson she has taught me so far has been how to have faith — in myself. To believe that everything I need to succeed is already within me. Although I’m still learning, she’s taught me how to let go of my perfectionism and being a control freak, and to just trust. Trust that even though I make a mistake or even though things work out completely opposite from how I plan, that at the end of the day everything will be exactly how it’s supposed be. That has been an amazing gift. And I’m forever grateful.


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4 Responses


    Hi Zivon, thanks for interest in ELIXHER! Please email us at info[at]elixher[dot]com.

  2. zivon

    hello im new to this site and i was trying to spread the word on the movement were trying to make. I live in Las Vegas, NV and we just resently started a lesbian strip club and are trying to get the word out to our family and we are interested in supporting all our lbgtq events and movements… i appreciate your time


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