Charla Harlow for ELIXHER Magazine

Charla Harlow for ELIXHER Magazine

Editor’s Note: Check out our exclusive interview and photo shoot with Staceyann Chin and baby Zuri in ELIXHER Magazine. Purchase the summer issue here for $4.99. 

Poet and activist Staceyann Chin had to become a warrior of sorts to come out in Jamaica. Then she turned her fight toward motherhood. Check out this excerpt from her latest documentation of her motherhood journey on Advocate.

I’ve watched The Kids Are Alright 10 times already.

I see parts of my life in many of the characters: the kids who sought out the biological parent, the radical lesbian parent, the donor parent. I watch myself navigating this life of progressive, radical lesbian mom and wonder if my kid will be alright. I find myself caught between the businesses of providing a stable, secure environment and following through with my break-all-the-rules-badass, political identity.

My sexual identity has always been political. Coming out publicly in Jamaica in the late ’90s meant risking bodily harm. It also meant I had to assume a combative stance just to survive the violent climate of intolerance. And when that risk of sexual assault became a reality, it meant fleeing to America, where I believed I would find the safety I needed to explore and eventually lay claim to the life I imagined a lesbian should live. (Insert enactment of wild sexual fantasies and frequent political rallies here.)

Sixteen years later I am a single mother of an 18-month-old toddler, living in a Brooklyn apartment, spending my days fishing stray crayons from behind my bookshelves and constantly reminding people I can’t be out after 7 P.M. because that’s when the kid goes to bed. I can’t remember the last time I had an unplanned orgasm. I hardly sleep. I spend more money on diapers than I do on dining out and I definitely have no idea what is trending in the current lesbian circuit in New York City.

How did I get here?

Continue reading on Advocate.

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