We’ve heard it all before—the countless remarks people make when they find out we’re gay. Sometimes the responses are harmless or even humorous; other times they’re hurtful. But most times, they’re just plain ignorant. Here are ten things we’ve heard over and over again…and ten reasons why we’re over it!
1. “You’re too pretty to be gay.” Being gay isn’t our “Plan B,” okay? It isn’t like going for Diet when they’re all out of regular Coke. People don’t “turn” gay because they’re unattractive, can’t meet someone of the opposite sex and out of desperation switch teams. We aren’t gay by default. And for the record, it isn’t a compliment.
2. “You just need some good !@#$.” Many lesbians have been with men at some point in their lives and it had nothing to do with the guys’ skills. Despite the implications of the word “SEXuality,” there’s more to sexual orientation than just sex…and there’s more to sex than just a penis.
3. “You chose to be that way.” Not everyone knows they’re gay right out the womb. Some of us have to date men to realize how much we don’t like them. And after that, the only “choice” we make is to love and accept ourselves wholly and truly as we are.
4. “Can I join?” Negative. If we want a penis involved, it’s going to be made out of rubber and not attached to anything with chest hair and saggy balls.
5. “The Bible says it’s an abomination.” The Bible also speaks against tattoos, wearing garments of mixed fabrics and eating shellfish. It even says disobedient children can be stoned and prohibits women from speaking in church. It is a text that was not only written within a specific historical and social context but has gone through numerous translations and interpretations. God created gay giraffes, gay apes and yes, gay people.
6. “Don’t you want kids?” Last time I checked, you need sperm to have a child, not a man. Being gay doesn’t disqualify you from parenthood. Not being able to conceive together as a same-sex couple doesn’t make our unions less legitimate. There are plenty of straight couples that are unable to conceive and consider other options like adoption.
7. “You must be a freak.” I might be, but you’d have to ask my girlfriend.
8. “Who’s the man in the relationship?” Neither of us. While gay people are just as much a product of socialization as straight people, our relationships shouldn’t be limited to the same dichotomies that exist in heterosexual relationships.
9. “Did you get molested as a kid?” Unfortunately, there are some gay people that were sexually abused as children. And unfortunately, there are some straight people that were too. According to the American Psychiatric Association, no specific psychosocial or family dynamic cause for being gay has been identified, including histories of childhood sexual abuse. Sexual abuse does not appear to be more prevalent in children who grow up to identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, than in children who identify as straight.
10. “It’s just a phase you’re going through.” Yes, a phase called “life.” Sure there are women that identify as lesbian or bisexual and later in life identify as straight. All of our journeys are unique. Sexuality is fluid. It’s beautiful. It’s freedom.